Like what i said yesterday here (for those who read my posts you people will know what happened), i was dumbfounded. I didnt reply to H's text til i reached my place, and i still didnt reply even when i reached home. I just didnt know what to say. That text was beyond my expectations, i didnt know that i would receive that sort of text from him at all. Turned out i did, yesterday.

I couldnt sleep properly yesterday night. H called me about 3.30AM, but i didnt answer. I think its best i dont answer his call. Because, i dont want him to tell me another thing verbally. And by that, i meant Feelings. I dont want him to voice out to me that he still loved me & blah blah. I'd be lying if i said i felt good not answering his call cause i really wanted to. Its been so long since i last talked to him late at night, and i was curious too on why he called me & what did he want to talk about. But i had to console myself & force myself to don't do it. Knowing that it wasnt nice not responding to him at all yesterday, i texted him this morning when i woke up.

I told him that i received his text yesterday & i received his call but i was just too tired and i fell asleep. I hope its a reasonable excuse even though it doesnt sound convincing at any rate. Around an hour ago, he replied me & said its fine about the not-responding thingy. He also asked if by any chance, i dont like/want him to contact me cause if i dont feel comfortable, he'll stop. What dyou think? Of course i want him to contact me! Its been ages. I guess this is the only chance for me to keep in touch w him. I dont think this opportunity comes by a lot, and i doubt it will happen again if i reject him now. He also said that he would like to meet me up later on, and he begged me to agree. The reason was simple. Our break-up wasnt really settled in a nice manner, and there are things that i should know of that he didnt manage to tell me & he's sure that there are things that i hadnt told him about.

I posed him another question, why didnt he text me earlier if he really wanted to settle things between us, why wait til now? And he replied me this:
"Im sure you still remember what i did to you, to us, and how we fell apart. If i were to talk things out w you at that time, would you even believe me? After the wrongful thing i did? I dont think so. Furthermore, you were very angry at me that point of time, i doubt you'd even stop to listen to my explanations. Then i decided to wait a while & let you know about it. Turns out, i heard from Genie that you dont want me to come back into your life anymore. I understood why, coz yea i deserved it anyway. So i told myself, its best i dont disturb you at all. I distanced myself from you until i think that you've forgotten about me & that im no longer in your memory. I believe that i no longer hold any meaning in your life after all that happened.
I found a friend after that. 6 months after we broke-up. This girl, i beg you please dont be jealous, she taught me a lot of things that i should have realized/done earlier. She constantly advised me what to do to make things between you & i better. She believed that we'll work out in the end, after we voiced out our opinions & feelings. She wanted me to tell you all that i wasnt able to tell. I waited for a chance to meet you up, and i know the best time would be when my friends have an outing coz u will definitely be there. But nope, you never showed up. Til yesterday. So now, i'm begging you Amy, please meet me up."

Why yes, i'm meeting him up. I think that whatever he wrote was true, we didn't have the time to talk things out back then. My decision was made rashly. I didn't want to hear his explanations, cause i was just too mad at him for what he did. His mistake has left a permanent scar in my heart, and i'll always remember it. It hurts, but at the same time, i loved him too much. I'm willing to look past his mistakes if he wants to be with me again (if the chance comes).

Wish me luck meeting him later. :')

Labels: H