I shall remember this day today. It will of course be a day that i can never forget even if i want to. Everything that happened just now is still clear in my mind. I can recall them easily. Idk if i was happy or angry that it happened, i really cant say. A part of me is glad, the other is angry. Mixed emotions.

After a full 10 months, i finally met up with Hilmi. It was sudden, unexpected & i'd like to add in, partly unwanted. I spent my afternoon hanging-out with Danny at Danny's area. We had a great time chit-chatting & gossiping about stuff, for i think about an hour or so. Then out of nowhere, i saw Aizat. He was with a bunch of skater dudes. The look on Aizat's face when he caught sight of me & Danny was enough to let me know that he's shocked & didn't expect us to be there. Or should i put it in a better expression? He feels that we shouldn't be there. And after a while, as the dudes came in, i understood why. The last guy who came towards us was H.

Only God knows how i felt at that time. I cant describe it. I felt happy seeing him, but at the same time i felt hurt & angry. I felt like leaving the place, but it'll make me look as if i dont like his presence there & i dont want him to think that i hate him cause i dont. I wanted to stay, cause its the only opportunity i had to see him, and admire the face i longed to see - the face of the guy i still love deep within. Even though i know it'll hurt me to be around, i still chose to stay on. Aizat called me to one side to apologize as he really did not know that i came down to that area today. He thought it was perfectly fine to come & skate with the boys there, like any other day. I told him it was no big deal, and it wasnt his fault anyway. I can handle the pressure.

H acted & talked to me as per normal, since we're still friends. He wanted to converse more with me but thankfully, Aizat asked him to join them for a skate game. Once he moved over to join them all, Danny immediately bombarded me with questions asking how am i feeling & if i'd like to go elsewhere or something. I told him i was cool, and requested him to start any kind of topic just to keep my attention away from distractions & H. Many times i caught H looking at me, staring at me whatever. That look he gave, i knew it too well. That was the look he usually gave me whenever he's jealous watching me talk to some other dude. And that's also the look he usually gave me when there's a lot of things on his mind - involving Me.

But hey, we're no longer together. Thus, he's in no position to get jealous unless he still has feelings for me, which i know there probably is. However, i kept telling myself repeatedly that i'm no longer occupying the spot in his heart just so i can put all my hopes to an end, even temporarily. He is still in my heart though, hate to admit the truth but yeah.

About 11pm, i told Danny i want to make my move for home. So i said goodbye to everyone of them and when it came to H's turn, he only looked at me and gave me this impression that he didn't want me to go off just yet. After an awkward moment, i told him "See ya around" and smiled. I was about to walk off when he suddenly held me back and said that he'll send me to the MRT. I refused, but he insisted so okay, i gotta give in.

It felt so good walking with him by my side. It reminded me of every single damn memories of him sending me home at night. I pushed aside all the negative things that happened between us, and i just thought about all the good memories while we're otw to the train station. He asked me how's life & who am i contacting right now & such. I didnt tell him i contacted Aizat cause if i do, Aizat will definitely be in deep shit. I told him i only contacted afew of our old friends, and Danny. I can know he doesnt like me contacting Danny, cause he suddenly asked me if i meet-up with Danny frequently. Its nice to know he's jealous ;)

I bade him goodbye at the train station & smiled at him for one last time before i walked off. I'd like to hug him (tight) as how i usually do when we part ways for home, but i dont think thats a good idea. I know that that will be the last time i'll see him. I doubt there'll be bump-ins or meet-ups in future with him. And while i was in the train, Aizat & Danny texted me asking if i'm ok and i told them i'm all good there's nothing to worry. And another text came in right after i replied them. Unexpectedly, it was from H. An eight-worded text, which made me tear up for a while. Which made me dumbfounded & not knowing how and what to reply.

"Thought you should know, i still love you." - H.

Labels: H, I still love you, Memory